Can a man be in an abusive relationship without physical violence?

Yes. Abuse can be emotional, verbal, financial, sexual or psychological. Humiliation, threats, constant criticism, control of money, use of children as leverage, denial of events and relentless accusations can all cause serious harm without a single bruise.

Why do men often fail to recognize that they are being abused?

Many men were taught that being a man means absorbing pressure without complaint. So instead of thinking that something harmful is happening, a man often concludes that he simply is not handling things well enough, and spends years trying to tolerate what he should not have to tolerate.

Why is it so hard to leave an abusive relationship?

Love, hope, children, finances, cultural or religious expectations, fear about custody and genuine concern for the partner all play a role. Abusive relationships are also rarely abusive every moment, and periods of calm and affection can make leaving feel like a betrayal of the good times.

Can a man be responsible for his own behavior and still be abused?

Yes. Taking responsibility for yelling, lying or withdrawing is important, and it does not mean a man deserves to be controlled, threatened, degraded or psychologically dismantled. Accountability and abuse are not the same thing.

How can therapy help a man in or after an abusive relationship?

Therapy can help a man understand the patterns in the relationship, rebuild trust in his own judgment and memory, work through shame, learn what healthy boundaries feel like, and think through his choices carefully and privately.

When the Person Hurting You Is the Person You Love

Men, abusive relationships, and the damage we do not talk about enough. Why so many men fail to recognize coercive control, what walking on eggshells does to a man, and where recovery begins.

By Jeffrey Tower, certified bilingual psychotherapist · Relationships · 13 min read

Jeffrey Tower is a certified bilingual psychotherapist whose practice focuses primarily on men's mental health. He works in English and Hebrew at clinics in Modi'in, Tel Aviv and Jerusalem, and online throughout Israel and with appropriate US-based clients. His integrative approach includes CBT, DBT, ACT, Schema Therapy and Dynamic/Psychodynamic Therapy.

Clinical references

These are general educational sources that support the background explained on this page. They describe difficulties and therapeutic approaches in general terms and do not describe a fixed protocol used with every person.

About Intimate Partner Violence — Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), USA
Violence against women — fact sheet — World Health Organization (WHO)
Men and Mental Health — National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)
Men's Mental Health Help-Seeking Behaviors: An Intersectional Analysis (2018) — American Journal of Men's Health — peer-reviewed research

Contact Jeffrey Tower on WhatsApp — WhatsApp 055.240.9244 — sessions in English and Hebrew.